The Do's and Don'ts of Black Monday

Much ado has been made this fall about the coming of Black Monday.

You know, Black Monday, that day, the first day Monday after Thanksgiving, where all the unmarried, “partnered” students would see their coupledom, like warm cotton candy, dissolve, evolving instead into an orgy of single, available, and on-the-hunt co-ed’s on a chum-induced feeding frenzy.

That being said, little advice has been give to our class about how to handle this sudden glut of party people. I am sure that, like all other things HBS, there must be some protocols, etiquette, or rules to follow.

Unfortunately, nowhere in the annals of HBS lore (and yes, I did read Year One cover to cover), are we given anything remotely useful for navigating the winds and turns of hooking up around here. A quick perusal of the Community Standards produced no usable advice, so I have taken it upon myself to create a few rules for us to follow. So without further ado, I present the

Top Ten Do’s and Don’t’s of the Post-Black Monday HBS World (at least for the men out there)

10. DO: change the partner on your classcard to one of the following: In Mourning, Applicants Welcome, or Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, I’m free at last…

9. DON’T: try to proposition your date by suggesting that, as it is getting hot in here, they should take off all of their clothes. If it did not work for Nelly, it will not work for a slightly less suave HBS male.

8. DO: try to hit on your classmates by offering to help them open their course distribution lockers. Provided that you know how to do so yourself.

7. DON’T: try to schedule 4 dates on the same evening, planning to sneak out early on any one that does not look promising. HBS frowns upon this. So do the ladies.

6. DO: introduce your self with a cover letter, and follow up with a thank you card.

5. DON’T: try to drop the H-bomb. While I am not positive, I am fairly certain that this will not get you far with the HBS ladies. If it does, please let me know.

4. DO: bring flowers. And wine. And pasta.

3. DON’T: brag to your date about how your section is so much better than theirs. (This is particularly true if you are in sections A, B, or G. Exception is made, of course, for Section H, as for us it would be simply a statement of truth, rather than self-congratulatory hyperbole.)

2. DON’T: try to woo your date by saying, “Baby, when I look in your eyes, I see … myself and DAMN I’m pretty!” I say this from personal experience.

1. DO: a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight.