Uncle Jordy: Robin, you grew up in West Virginia. Drag racing and NASCAR were all over there, weren’t they? What kind of car did you drive in to your senior prom?
Robin King: Sure, West Virginians love car races. I personally don’t even know what drag racing is. As for my prom, my date bragged to one and all that his father, an auto dealership owner, was lending him a Jaguar for the prom. Although the car he came to my house in was not a Jaguar, he tried to convince me that what he really said was he was coming in a car with a Jaguar engine. Whatever.
UJ: Brian, did you play with Tyco slot cars in your youth? If so, describe your favorite.
Brian Ericson: Not really sure what a Tyco slot car is–I did play with Matchbox cars. Does that count? My favorite was a super-neato spy car that transformed into a sub from one of the James Bond movies.
UJ: Can you name the TV show where the Title Character is known as a “Demon on Wheels?”
RK: Speed Racer?
BE: I’m pretty sure that must have been Herbie the Love Bug! Either that or Knight Rider–everybody LOVES KITT.
UJ: Brian, what kind of car do you really drive, and do you have any good racing stories in that?
BE: I drive a finely-tuned racing machine–a Honda Civic. No good racing stories, I’m afraid.
UJ: You two didn’t seem to have any trouble finding Braintree. Did you have a GPS device in your car to help you find your way? Brian, do you think GPS could have helped you drive faster in the race? What do you think is the size of the GPS-receiver market in greater Boston?
BE: I actually had a GPS device surgically implanted in my brain. Robin can vouch for my uncanny sense of direction–right dear?
UJ: Uh, yeah Brian. Robin, do you think GPS receivers are better if they come pre-programmed with the locations of all the outlet malls?
RK: No GPS system is necessary. In my opinion, they are expensive toys built to compensate for the fact that men can’t read maps. I can just feel when a good outlet store is nearby. The big billboard signs don’t hurt either.
UJ: Brian, did you notice Robin looking awfully cute in the jumpsuit? Which Charlie’s Angel, old or new, did Robin most resemble? What did the head sock do for this look?
BE: Oh baby! We’re sending along a picture if you don’t believe me. I’d have to say Lucy Liu is probably the closest match–admittedly, Lucy is Asian, but otherwise, the resemblance was quite striking. And yes, the head sock was a great addition–made her look all the more dangerous.
UJ: Robin, who’s your favorite Charlie’s Angel, old or new? Which one did you most resemble in the jumpsuit?
RK: I loved Jaclyn Smith as a kid. I unfortunately didn’t closely resemble any of the Angels unless you were squinting and kind of far away.
UJ: Does flame-retardant clothing dampen romance?
BE: No, it actually makes it a good deal safer, with all those sparks flying and all.
RK: No, it just makes it safer to have more candles around.
UJ: Robin, Brian says his muscles got really tense after the stress of driving. Were yours? Were you able to help him unwind? Do you think the experience got him primed for Lurrve?
RK: Post-race, I felt faintly nauseous from our adventure and hot and itchy from my race suit. Not the right mood for romance. Who cares what he wanted?
UJ: Your racing time was 5:15? Were you “out of your brains on the train?” What’s your favorite song by The Who?
RK: Now I’m really confused. I think I am too young to have a favorite Who song.
BE: I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Regarding The Who, I’d probably have to say Baba O’Reilly, although I still don’t understand why it’s not called “Teenage Wasteland.”
UJ: Speaking of music, which teenage car make-out song is better, Bob Seger’s “Night Moves,” or Meat Loaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights”? Any stories you’d like to tell us?
BE: Definitely “Night Moves.” No stories that Robin would be happy to hear, but let’s just say I had an awfully large back seat in my first car, and it had gold vinyl interior. What could possibly be sexier than that?
RK: “Night Moves” is pretty good, but our favorite teenage make-out song was “Love Bites” by Def Leppard. This may be a West Virginia thing, and I admit that is probably an ironic selection for make-out music.
UJ: Robin, when your HBS loans are paid off, do you see yourself forking over the $500 for the racing suits so you can help Brian combine his teenage fantasies? Or will you just wanna stick to the French Maid outfit?
RK: No way. Did I mention that racing suits are hot and itchy? I’m trying to get Brian hooked on a seductive Chairwoman of the Board routine. After all, my suits have become pretty useless with the onset of casual work environments. He doesn’t seem interested.
BE: What HBS loans? She’d told me this whole business school thing was free! Maybe that explains those huge mysterious charges on my credit cards.
UJ: Brian, you used to write for Let’s Go when you were a Harvard undergrad. Do you feel your experience trained you to write a more like you were critiquing the experience instead of focusing on Robin’s dreaminess?
BE: My Intraviewer was, without a doubt, dreamy, but I assumed all of you knew that already, and figured there was no point preaching to the choir.
UJ: Robin, do you think Brian’s indoctrination made him treat this event like just another review, instead of focusing on you?
RK: My theory is that Brian has forgotten what a date is. And I have to admit, it’s hard to compete for attention with fast cars.
UJ: Did you get to pick the color of your race car? If so, what colors did you both choose, and what does that say about you?
BE: They were all the same color–thankfully red.
RK: The cars were all black.
UJ: Umm, I’m confused. Let’s try a different subject related to colors. Robin, you and Brian have been together for a long time now. What do you think he knows about the colors of diamonds?
RK: Brian is still trying to convince me that cubic zirconia is an acceptable substitute for diamonds. Have you been talking to my mother?
BE: I think we all know that the inflated importance of diamonds is just the result of a brilliant marketing scheme by DeBeers. While this would no doubt make for a fascinating case, I have no intention of giving in to such corporate pressures. In terms of color, I’ve heard that very small yellow diamonds are going to be all the rage.
UJ: Robin, will there be a second racing trip? Will you let Brian take a couple more laps around the track with you?
RK: Sure, I’ll keep him around. After all, it would be too much trouble to have to edit him off of my classcard.
UJ: Brian? Will there be a second racing trip? Will Robin let you take her for a couple more laps around the track?
BE: I think Robin is going to nominate F1 for a section field trip. Based on real-life experience (with big cars) I think Robin probably would be much happier if I did the driving.