Thirteen Things That Must Change Immediately at HBS

In light of the recent events regarding the Harbus and Community Standards, I believe it’s an appropriate time for HBS students to think carefully about our institution and to openly discuss aspects of HBS that warrant improvement. With that in mind, I present…

Thirteen Things That Must Change Immediately at HBS

1) Remove all exclamation points from cases. I realize the protagonist is upset that their company is out of inventory, but really, nothing that takes place in a factory or cubicle is that exciting. Bankers, hush up.

2) Wait until after you’ve received your test score to tell me you’ve failed an exam. Everyone has had a friend swear that they’ve failed a test, only to ace it. I believe that a real friend keeps commitments. If you say you failed, please follow through.

3) Stop distributing club t-shirts with tight necks. I’m not sure who these shirts are supposed to fit, but if I pass out, I’d like it to be because of a legendary night on the town and not because I walked up stairs wearing a Marketing shirt. So either I need to lose my neck fat, or the clubs need to design shirts for those of us over 95 pounds.

4) Reduce the price of the “International Food of the Day” in the Spangler food court. If you’re trying to demonstrate what it’s like to eat grape leaves in Greece, then I don’t want to visit that country. I can’t afford to pay $16 for lunch.

5) Resume Internet access during classes. I actually don’t care about being able to surf the Net, I’m just sick of hearing and reading (and writing) about this topic.

6) Remove old bikes from the bike racks. I don’t even have a bike, but I feel for my classmates who can’t find a place for theirs because there’s a bike from a 1986 grad still here. My solution is to remove all out of style bikes. If you happen to remove some current bikes, that’s just the owner’s fault for not upgrading.

7) Allow only consumer packaged goods companies to stuff our mail boxes. I’m hungry in between classes and can’t spend time sifting through junk. So if it’s not a granola bar, I don’t want to see it.

8) Please re-label all mandatory presentations as voluntary. We should not be forced to sleep in Burden Hall when our beds are much more comfortable.

9) Switch to a lecture format for classes following school-wide social events. Not having to participate would allow those who went out the night before to drool in peace, while saving those who didn’t the torture of having to sit through a stuttering cold call.

10) Build an underground tunnel between SFP and Aldrich/Spangler. With only twenty minutes of free time per week, RC’s shouldn’t be teased with the temptation of the outside world.

11) Insert a Starbucks inside the Spangler cafeteria. I realize Starbucks coffee is offered, but I don’t have time to prepare my own drink. That’s what baristas are for.

12) Convert the 1200+ lockers in Shad into something more useful. I’m not sure if the designers expected every HBS student to work out at the same time, but I think slot machines would be a better utilized replacement…not to mention a fine means of increasing upper body strength.

13) Replace the free Wall Street Journals in Aldrich with copies of the National Enquirer. I think about business enough and don’t need to read more about it. However, if Gary Coleman has been approached by aliens, I need to know.