As I boarded the plane, I looked forward to a relaxing weekend in Seattle (anagram of: last tee; now you try one). The cushy US Air seats immediately helped soften the blows I had been dealt by several firms in an industry that sounds like “gone sulking.” Never would I have predicted what was about to happen Saturday, Feb 18th at the SeattleTrek job fair.
The event started as one would expect. I scavenged the room for freebies while eager classmates distracted company representatives with subtle questions such as, “Will you hire me?” I had already secured a half-pound of Starbuck’s coffee, a Voicestream chocolate bar, and a Photoworks.com fridge magnet when a distinct odor caught my attention. I isolated it to a table occupied by Plaidshirt.com, a division of Bain & Kurt Company. The smell seemed to be wafting off the lone representative of this company who also had a big bloody gash on his head. He looked very familiar but I couldn’t make the connection until I focused in on the parent company’s name. And so the interview began….
Kurt Cobain: Hey.
Jeff Chochinov: Eh, I noticed your parent company’s name bears a striking resemblance to the late prophet of grunge rock, Kurt Cobain.
KC: I dunno what you mean?
JC: [Using the intuition I had gained from countless consulting cases.] I suspect that if you abbreviate the word Company to Co. and reverse the Kurt and Bain, you are left with Kurt CoBain and therefore, I conclude that there are approximately 15,000 inflatable goats in the US.
KC: Man, you’re the first dude to figure that out, have you considered a career in consulting.
JC: Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh, baaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh,
KC: Wouldja mind keeping this quiet. My fans wouldn’t understand.
JC: No problem, can I just ask you a few questions
KC: [Shrugs shoulders]
JC: First of all, aren’t you dead?
KC: Fortunately second round funding come through just be fore the crash of March 2000.
JC: No, I mean didn’t you blow your brains out?
KC: Didn’t everyone in the dot.com world?
JC: But your brains, weren’t they painted all over your garage wall?
KC: So like I was inspired by Jeff Bezos. He started Amazon.com out of his garage, but it was a so dingy in my garage. All it needed was a new coat of paint.
Sensing that zombie boy was not getting the question, I switched gears!
JC: After your apparent death, Nirvana was the most popular band in the world. Why not continue making music?
KC: I knew Act II would require a big departure from my earlier successes. I sensed the US Flannel plaid shirt market was underserved in the U.S. and had a vision of the web becoming huge. So I cleaned the garage and those pesky spiders were gone in no time. Get it-huge web – cleaned it, spiders gone.
Kurt began to laugh almost as uncontrollably as Jeff Bezos when asked by a shareholder if Amazon was a not-for-profit organization. I became scared and started to back away when Kurt’s laughter ceased.
KC: Hey man, stay for a bit, I’ll give you some TAZO Tea samples from the Starbucks table. That’s the first time I ever laughed in my life. You’re a funny guy. Are you interested in a summer internship?
Despite Kurt’s pungent body odor and the oozing bloody gash on his head, this was the best offer I had received this year. My BATNA was from the catering service at the Job Fair.
JC: I’m still in advance stages with several firms and do not feel comfortable pursuing other options at this point. If (read: when) those options do not crystallize, I would like to explore opportunities at Plaidshirt.com.
…and then he looked at my with those rabid puppy dog eyes and I couldn’t resist.
JC: Nevermind
After he removed his gloves with the fingertips cut off, we shook on it. Look forward to my summer job report on the career services web site.
