News in Brief:

Resume Deadline Pushed Earlier

With the economy recovering and a wave of recruiters eager to come to campus, Career Services asked all EC students to submit their full-time job search resumes on their second day back to campus. In addition, all RC students will be required to submit their full-time job search resumes sometime next week.

Said a source at Career Services: “I wish the RCs all the luck in the world in getting that perfect post-MBA job, as well as in guessing what their summer internship will be.”

Campus Construction Brilliantly Timed

The HBS Logistics department today announced a bold new initiative in which all campus construction and upkeep will begin about one day before students arrive to campus, and will end the day after they leave.

“We know how important it is for students to get to class on time, so we thought we’d help them out by jack-hammering outside of their rooms at 7:30 in the morning. Also, what better way to teach students the fundamentals of TOM process-flows than to cleverly close down the entrance to the parking lot?”

University Preparing Students for Winter

In order to acclimatize incoming students who may be from places with warmer weather, the University announced recent measures to prepare students for Boston’s famously harsh winters.

“We’re afraid that these initial two nice weeks of weather might tempt students to rest on their laurels and think that Boston is a place which is pleasant,” said an unidentified administrator, “In order to lessen the shock of the barren, icy tundra that awaits us this winter, the administration has increased the air conditioning in each classroom building so that the average temperature in Aldrich and Hawes is approximately 45 degrees Fahrenheit. We made the strategic decision to give everyone pre-emptive pneumonia, in the hopes that it will begin settling students in now for the endless months of gray, bleak despair. Welcome back!”