News In Brief:

Former Banker Pokes Self in Eye During Fin I
(Aldrich 513) RC student Chandler McKay, a BS in Finance from the University of Michigan and former investment banker/private equity guy, poked himself in the eye with a pencil during class yesterday to see if it was more uncomfortable than sitting through another class of Fin I. “I was really surprised by the results,” said McKay as he adjusted the patch over his left eye. “The intense throbbing in my ocular region is still not as painful as an hour and twenty minutes of Butler Lumber Company.”

Since McKay can’t place out of the class because it would disrupt the learning process for his classmates, he plans to continue to get “all huffy” when his Finance professor goes over basic calculations for the “fiftieth time on the board” and bring up obscure tax law points and finance technicalities that “confuse the hell” out of everyone in the class, including the professor. “And the best part about it,” observed McKay’s classmate Nancy Blulow, a former Peace Corp worker in Lesotho, Africa, “is that Chandler hasn’t even opened a case yet and he’s still gonna get a one. I spent 15 hours last weekend trying to build a simple DCF model and I’m gonna get a three. Where’s the justice in that?”

Alum and Student Bond after Finding out They’re Both Section R
(Porter Square) At Temple Bar last Saturday, EC student Darcy Glick “totally bonded” with Class of ’00 alum Walter Givens after the two of them found out they were both randomly selected by a computer to be members of Section R at HBS. “When Walt told me he was Section R after we had talked for 10 minutes, I was like ‘Shut the hell up, I totally thought you must have been R at school. You have that R way about you,” said Glick. Givens and Glick then spent another twenty minutes chatting about “the best section ever” at HBS. “Even though her R is now called the Rabbits instead of the Rock Stars as it was in my day,” said Givens. “And even though R now hangs out all the time at the Bus Stop instead of Shays, and even though Darcy’s R does Skydecks when my R elected not to do Skydecks and even though her R did a bunch of retreats and Spring Break together while everyone in my R hated each other, it is still the same old R.” The conversation was cut short because Glick’s table was ready, so Givens gave her his card and promised to help with her job search. “We Rs have to stick together. We’re family, right?”

FRC Professor Asserts FRC not actually Rocket Science
(Aldrich 2010-A) FRC Associate Professor Kiran Musunuru explained to his Section D class yesterday that contrary to commonly held beliefs, FRC is not the same as rocket sciaence. “This isn’t rocket science, people,” he clarified, “Rocket science involves the application of Newton’s three laws of motion in creating propellants and delivery mechanisms to send people and payloads into outer space. It’s pretty clear that the debate over expensing stock options or amortizing goodwill has little if not nothing to do with this fundament conundrum of reaching escape velocity from the earth’s gravitational pull. I can’t believe you guys thought they were the same.” Professor Musunuru later went on to outline the differences between brain surgery and activity based costing.