G: There Can Be Only One

They’ve got our classroom and they’ve got our seats. As of September 17th, they even claimed to “be” Section G. But as much as we hated to hand down the title, we had no other option. What else could we do-go back and repeat the RC? I, personally, would go back just to hear a comment begin “contrary to our socialist lawyer friend over here,” but I’m not sure everyone-especially our so-called socialist lawyer friend-would agree with me. So the “G” had to be passed, but you can bet we were not going to do it without a little training on how best to “Be a G.”

Over the course of the year, we evolved into “G,” and so by the time we went back to Aldrich 207 two weeks ago, we were found to be in a very different state than we were one year prior. Believe it or not, we are MORE married than we used to be, and are on the way to becoming even more so, thanks to the summer engagements of Arnab Mishra, Kendra Kretz, Samhita Patwardhan, and Rob Halsey. We also come bearing five new Baby Gs: Keith Bevans, Jr, aka “the Deuce”; Taylor Caragher; Lily West; Maya Basak; and Mia Tremblay. Two more en route, Babies Scheipe and Simonds, will make a grand total of 14. And you all thought that section selections were random. Val Mendeleev even went out and learned his 11th language over the summer. We’re a little smarter than we used to be, a little closer than we used to be, and a little less employable than we used to be. We get more sleep, but we miss lunch. But in the midst of everything else, we are definitely “G.”

So with the idea of one last classroom hurrah in mind, we reclaimed our territory at 2:25 on September 28th to show NG the kind of fun that the section could provide outside of the gripping discussions of Crown, Cork, and Seal and Microsoft Case #482. Dave Rowland, disguised as a pizza delivery man, came bearing food, and of course a demand for money. When James Jarrett (NG) refused to fork over the last of his Crimson Cash to cover the 20 pizzas, the rest of OG came in to provide backup.
A brief slideshow reverie back into the days of OG led into an introduction of NG. They have a lot of work to do to get to the level of lifetime commitments we have running, though it does leave a little more room for section love. The dirty dozen-the 12 fully single people of OG-found this to be a little more challenging.

Once both sections were appropriately introduced, it was time to hand over the “tools of the trade.” Kevin Grundy and Tina Hay anointed the Birthday Announcer and the Town Crier, while Marc Tremblay and Ore Owodunni took care of the oldest and youngest. Marc Scheipe handed down the flag to the highest ranking military officer, but the ranks appeared to be sufficiently close that we had to resort to the feats of strength to decide the recipient. Yuki Horiguchi introduced the concept of the Penguin, and Brian Minnehan made the official hand-off of the Texas Flag. Sure, he lost our original one-the one that flew over the Texas State Capitol-in a battle of wits against an Aggie, but I digress.

Tom Spivey, game organizer extraordinaire, gave the members of NG some food for thought in the form of BINGO, Shark Day, Cold Call Roulette, the Alphabet Game, and naked number running. OK, it’s not actually naked, although we did have a high percentage of folks come to class in either bathrobes or bedsheets last year. Remember the Sadhu, Cris Chiong? Finally we closed with a bit of a Hollidazzle teaser, complete with Julie Ritter coming out of retirement to perform the New Zealand All Blacks “Haka” in full Rugby gear, and one final “Safety Dance,” which, thanks to Rob Halsey’s Garden Deck Jump, is usually far from safe.

The indoctrination of NG behind us, we retired to the SFP common room where Bob Geiman waited with cold beer and snacks for both sections. Joaquin Altenberg handed down the Section G toast, setting a high bar for both the poets and alcoholics of NG. Our NG brethren, showing a great amount of pride and desire to retain their status as the G on campus, challenged OG to last Wednesday’s “There Will Be Only One” Paintball war, and though it ended in a draw, promised to give us a run for our money on the football field. Provided they stay away from “Bionic Arm” Spivey’s laminated playbook, we should be just fine.