The "Sec-C-est" Students This Side of Spangler

Dating all the way back to mid-late-2004, the Class of 2006’s Section C has a long and storied history of existence here at HBS. In the many, many months since we first arrived en masse in the dark, decrepit basement of un-renovated Aldrich, Section C, affectionately (and appropriately) known as “Sec-C,” has developed a reputation as the wildest, craziest, most scandalous section in the Class of 2006. To many outsiders, we’re perceived as more promiscuous than the University of Colorado football team, more prone to dirty talk than Bill O’Reilly and about as politically correct as Larry Summers at a WSA conference. In fact, in a recent issue of Fortune, we were collectively named the HBS section “most likely to be voted out as Boeing CEO.”

As is common knowledge by now, the main reason for our bacchanalian rep dates back to the infamous Section C fall semester retreat. After the retreat, the rumor mill whipped around with furious force and our scandalous reputation was born. For good or ill, that image persists today. For instance, recently, I overheard someone murmuring about “that Section C hot tub retreat with the naked spider monkeys massaging the Section C’ers with coconut oil, cumin and pumpkin spice.” Come on now people, we all know that such outlandish rumors couldn’t possibly be true. For the record, they were howler monkeys, and it was paprika, not cumin.

Once the flurry of rumors began, they were difficult to quell, particularly the ones that couldn’t be denied. Due in large part to the gossip surrounding our retreat, our everyday conversation seemed to take on a dramatically different feeling. Normally harmless statements, having nothing to do with sex, became charged with salacious overtones. A couple of misunderstood statements include: “Wow, there are five Johns in our section,” and “Sanjay, could you further explain the double-entry method?”

Given our undeservedly lascivious reputation, I’d like to take this opportunity to get up on the Harbus soapbox and clear up some misconceptions with a little something I’d like to call Sec-C “Fact or Fiction.” Here are sex, um, I mean, six salacious Sec-C rumors. See if you can guess which are fact and which are fiction:

Fact or Fiction: Section C students are prone to sleeping with each other.
Fact. Well, this one’s true, particularly during those 100 minute classes. Sometimes Sec-C students can’t keep their eyes open when the board lights are turned off for those overheads. The worst (or best?) are the long movie clips, like that 20-minute LCA movie from the fifties with that hefty dude getting shocked for being stupid. How did that one end anyway? Yes, multiple people do occasionally fall asleep in class.

Fact or Fiction: Section C is sponsored by Viagra.
Fiction. This is false. My understanding is that Section C prefers Cialis. The little pill seems most effective on the arms of a handful of enthusiastic Baker Scholar hopefuls (Note: If you experience raised hands lasting more than 4 hours at a time, please contact your physician).

Fact or Fiction: Degenerate Section C gamblers play strip poker on a weekly basis.
Fiction. Though I have “lost my shirt” on re-buys and escalating blinds on more than one occasion, our Wednesday night regular poker game is of the conventional, clothing-stays-on-variety. Now, I once had to change my pants after a particularly large “all-in” pot, but that’s a different story.

Fact or Fiction: We’re going streaking!
Fiction. Sorry to disappoint, but we’re neither going streaking up through the quad, nor into the gymnasium.

Well, I hope this impromptu edition of Sec-C “Fact or Fiction” has dispelled at least some of the ill-conceived notions of NC as some sort of over-sexed coed professional commune. As you can see, we’re really just as normal as any other section. Now, if you’ll excuse me, a bunch of us are going to take a naked sauna and watch some porn.

Matt Chun (NC) is an occasional contributor to the Harbus and one of many Sec-C students in the HBS Cabalists Club.