Newport Ball

Attention: RCs.  I want to go with YOU to Newport Ball.  That’s right – I want YOU to invite ME to the end of the year dance.

I hate to be so blunt, but time is of the essence, and subtly has never been my forte (as has been explained to me post rejection at every HBS party).

Last year, I famously detailed my epic adventures at the annual Ball.  Highlights included maximizing my $130 ticket with drinks and food replica breitling, running around the beach in the rain, and ending up at IHOP at 3:23am.  Obviously, I had a good time.  Yet, one thing was noticeably absent.

I lacked a date.  A companion – or better put, someone to split my hotel fees with.

I want, nay, must correct that this year and want to attend Newport with a date.  And thus, I am prepared to spend an entire column in an effort to find the ideal person to take me to the magical dance.

Ok, so I get this column is not supposed to be a classified ad that enables me to find love.  I’m supposed to advise and support the HBS community with finding their own relationships.  I am but a black and romantic Robin Hood for single students.  Yet, I’m engaged in the Senior Scramble (please read last week’s expose if you haven’t already), and I only have three columns left before I graduate =.  It’s time to start thinking about Kwama.

And the Kwama Sutra wants to go to Newport (again).

At this stage, I can feel the eagerness of the RC class.  In an effort to find a meeting of the minds, perhaps I should include what might work well with me.

In essence, here’s what I am searching for: Single RC female (or RC female in a relationship with non-HBS male looking to upgrade).  She must understand Finance (both semesters) to offset my inability to comprehend markets.  She should also enjoy being called “Sugar Mama,” “Golden Goose,” or “Person who will pay off my loans upon marriage.”  Ideally, she enjoys my columns replica watches uk, but I can get by if you just placate me each week by noting, “Kwame – another column about you not finding love – hysterical.  The joke doesn’t get old – even if you have used it 262 times.”  If you think you fulfill these requirements, write now.  Please.

Now, you’re probably thinking that this column is a bold move with too many risks associated (in addition to the general problem of having too many solicitations).  Yet, I feel like I am perfectly hedged for success.

My college and HBS classmate, Tehmina Haider described the outlook to me last week, noting, “I don’t think the column will help or hurt you get a date to Newport,” and patting me on back.

“Aha!  I can’t be harmed or hurt.  This column represents a perfect opportunity for arbitrage!  M&M style,” I responded.

“Um – sure it is,” she said walking away (and laughing for some reason I still can’t explain).

So, here I am; an EC looking for an opportunity to go to one of the biggest dances of the year.

And there you are – single, reading all 32 pages and 15 exhibits of your BGIE cases because you nothing social to do – hoping for a romantic date to the dance.

Shouldn’t we make this happen?  You know where to find me on classcards (just dismiss the picture – it’s not my best).  I’m waiting.

_________

And in no way connected to me going to Newport, I want to send out a HUGE thanks to Lavayna Manohar who was the best Editor in Chief a columnist could ask her.  If you know her, give her a hug.  If you don’t know her, meet her asap.  She’s going places!