I would like to offer a hearty congratulations to our new Student Association officers. In a student body devoid of ambition, leadership talent, and gratuitous resume stuffing, it is refreshing to see that these individuals have stepped up to the plate. I would like to offer a couple of action items for each of our new leaders:
* Take some time to acquaint yourselves with your new responsibilities. You have some major tasks ahead of you, such as calling your parents with the good news and updating your resume. Don’t waste time-the longer you procrastinate, the less mileage you will get out of your new role.
* For the purposes of future job searches, I would recommend dropping the “Co” at the beginning of your title. Nobody wants a “Co.” Think about it-did Marilyn Monroe hook up with “Co-President” John F. Kennedy? Was Elvis the “Co-King” of Rock and Roll? Is the Dalai Lama the “Co-Reincarnation” of the Buddha? No. Don’t be a “Co.”
* Prepare yourself for a life in the public eye. You’re HBS celebrities now, so you will no longer be able to eat in Spangler or pee in the Shad hot tubs like the rest of us. Everyone will know your names and faces, so your privacy is a thing of the past. Think about it-what is life like for the outgoing Co-Presidents? You know…that guy and that girl (or was it two guys?) I can’t really remember.
Chief Financial Officer:
* If That Guy were Chief Financial Officer of the Student Association, I would re-enforce my stature as the HIGHEST RANKING financial executive in the SA by re-organizing the entire Student Association Finance department at every level, from VPs to Directors to the lowliest front-line Analysts. This should be quite easy, as it’s only you.
* Once re-organization is complete, spend some time thinking through the capital structure of SA. Is there an opportunity to lever up the balance sheet a bit, perhaps with some convertible debt? Is there a rollup opportunity where HBS can start buying up other schools’ Student Associations to gain some cost advantages? Could we potentially take this baby public? You’re in charge-make it happen!
* Consider embezzlement. Nobody has the time to look through the books, kiddo. And give your old boy That Guy a piece of the action while you’re at it.
* Arrange a “pajama mixer” for HBS men and Ed school / Nursing school women in the next week or so. Seriously. Do it now.
* Arrange a “dork mixer” for HBS women and male PhD students from any department at MIT. They need to know how good they have it here.
* Push for a new EC course next year at HBS-Social Skills 101 (Sections I and D get enrollment priority)
* Hold weekly happy hours every Friday at Spangler-give them a cute name like “TGIF.” Don’t waste any money on good food-popcorn, pretzels and stale chips should cut it.
* Give yourself a nice pat on the back, and know that (seriously) you have taken on one of the most thankless, frustrating, and important roles at HBS. And you don’t even get a good resume item out of it. You’re my hero.
That Guy would like to inform the class of 2004 that he will be running for Chief Naked Officer for the Student Association.