OB's Perfect Season

It was four o’clock on a chilly Thursday afternoon. Four fearless OB warriors took to the gridiron against NG for the final showdown of the season. “We knew it all came down to this last game,” superstar defensive back Mani Saluja was quoted as saying. “Our perfect season was on the line. It was the kind of game where champions are made.” Desperate to continue checking that same win/loss column they’ve been checking all season, they dug deep into their playbook right from the start.

Play 1: In an unprecedented move in all of football history, OB went with a girl play right off the bat. QB Phil Kaufman explained, “It makes sense. When it’s on the line, big time players make big time plays-we HAD to go to Jeni.” Damn straight… After a quick snap, Kaufman pitched the ball to captain Jeni Golomb who broke for a 15-yard run by following lead blocker Saluja and strong-arming a hapless NG defender. Fear set in over the opposing team as they quickly realized that OB was no joke.

Play 2: In the huddle, Kaufman inspired his teammates, “Screw the first down. We’re going end zone, baby! Go deep, Scott.” Scott is rookie receiver Scott Murray who was recruited mid-season for his I’ll-show-up-so-you-don’t-have-to-forfeit skills. Golomb, the center, snapped the ball to Kaufman who dropped back in perfect form and let it rip. Saluja picked up the rush while Murray ran deep to catch the fade without losing a step and scored the six. Kaufman commented on his passing prowess, “I knew it was a touchdown before the ball left my hand. I have complete confidence in my ability to make the big play.

That’s just how we do up in Minnesota.”

NG defensive back Garett Poston said, “It was so embarrassing! There were four of them, six of us, and there was nothing we could do to stop them.” Another NG defender said, “I knew it was going to be a long game. The look in their eyes told me that they were gonna give us trouble all day.” That’s right, NG, you just can’t hang…

The game went on from there, but NG just couldn’t recover from the deficit. “Football is all about momentum,” said Murray. “We had it. It’s as simple as that… well, that and our superior athleticism.” Referee Joel Carter summed it up best by saying, “OB plays football the way it was meant to be played. Period.”

Congratulations, OB, on your perfect season! You’ve made Bs proud for generations to come.