News in Brief:

Excess Nalgene Bottles Pose Dorm Hazard

Tragedy was barely averted last week, when RC student Karen Kowalski was seriously injured from a torrent of renegade Nalgene bottles that fell out of her closet. “It all began at the Club Fair – I was drawn to the colorful bottles like a moth to a flame,” said Kowlaski, recovering at Holyoke Center, “I knew they were bad for me, I knew that I didn’t have room for them, but I just couldn’t stop. I signed up for every single club that gave away a bottle – even clubs I’m not interested in. I mean, I joined the Outdoors Club just for the bottle, even though, if the tunnels were still open, I would only go outdoors on purpose about twice a year. I even started making up fake names to sign up for some clubs multiple times.”

“Except for the Entrepreneurship Club. Those bottles make everything look like pee.”

EC Student Drives Boxster; Still Hasn’t Paid $50 for Charity Auction

(Boston) At last April’s Section Q charity auction for the Allston/Brighton Orphanage, Niall Eckles won a full body wax from section-mate Jake Bromberg for only $50. But according to Naydia Watkins, head of Section Q’s charity auction, Eckles is the only person in the section who hasn’t paid his bill. “I’ve tried to get the 50 bucks from him everyday after Business Marketing,” said Watkins, “but he always tells me that he is in a ‘cash flow crunch’ and then he rushes off to the parking lot, jumps into his Boxster and speeds off to his brownstone on Comm. Ave.”

When reached for comment on his $500 Samsung cell phone, Eckles told H-BS that “money is real tight right now” and that he had to “cut the interview short to catch a flight to London for the weekend.” Watkins has written off the $50 and yesterday told the children at the orphanage that they will not have enough money for pumpkins this Halloween. “But I still haven’t broken the news to Jake Bromberg,” said Watkins. “He’s not going to be too happy when he finds out he waxed Niall’s back and ass for nothing.”