News In Brief:

More Time Spent on NCAA Pool than Job Search
(Hamilton) After RC student Eric Oppenheimer spent more than six hours researching teams and making his picks for the Sigma Alpha Nu NCAA Pool at Vanderbilt, he realized that those six hours were three and a half hours more than the time he’s spent on his summer job search this semester. “Maybe that’s why I don’t have a job,” Oppenheimer said as he spent more than 80 minutes coming up with a cool e-mail to send to his section for Eric Rendell’s and Meghan Diaz’s joint 26th birthday party bash at the Enormous Room. On Tuesday night, Oppenheimer plans on sending out a bunch of resumes, but instead he’ll probably end up watching American Idol, taping America’s Next Top Model, and google-ing random women he hooked up with in college.

Hedge Fund Continues to Dick Along RC Student
(NYC) Potential summer employer, the Ancient History/Classics Fund, a New York-based hedge fund whose name reflects its founders’ ability to make obscure references to ancient history and the classics, continues to “dick along” RC student Chase McKown, a former private equity associate who thought he’d try out hedge funds or real estate for the summer. “I’m sorry but we’re going to need another two weeks,” hedge fund partner Jesse Ratner said to McKown’s voicemail as he flew to his winter home in West Palm last Thursday. “I know we said we’d make a decision by February 15th, but we’d like to postpone making this insignificant decision until April, because, in the end, we can, and we really don’t care.” While frustrated with the process, McKown understands that it’s out of his control. Now he needs to figure out a way to “dick along that real estate development firm for another two weeks.”

Prep School Included on MBA Resume
(Beacon Hill) 32-year-old RC student Clay Crozer-Kinney III eliminated two years of work experience from his resume in order to include the fact that he graduated from Phillips Andover Academy, the world-renowned boarding school in northern Massachusetts. “I thought it was more important to let people know where I graduated high school from in 1990, than where I worked from 1999-2001,” said Crozer-Kinney III, who made sure that the “III” was included in this article. Crozer-Kinney III also likes to make sure that recruiters interviewing him know that he is first-cousins to Clay Crozer-Kinney Jr. and that his family regularly attends barbeques at the Bush compound in Kennebunkport. From 1999-2001, Crozer-Kinney III sailed boats back and forth between St. Bart’s and Newport, RI. Before that, he and a buddy founded Nantucket Nectars.