News In Brief:

Reading Cases Given Up for Lent
(Central Square) Wanting to make a big sacrifice for Lent, the forty day Christian season of self-reflection, EC student Seamus O’Neill decided to give up the one thing that matters most to him – reading HBS cases. “To show my commitment to God this year, it is very important for me to forgo more than the typical stuff Christians give up for Lent, like eating chocolate, watching TV and practicing monogamy,” O’Neill wrote his five professors in an email last Wednesday. “Because of this recent religious revival, I’ve decided that I will not read any cases until Easter Sunday, which is April 11th. There is no doubt that this will be my toughest Lent – tougher than my Lent in middle school when I gave up taking standardized tests – but I believe I can find the will power to stick to my pledge. I hope you respect my religious convictions and I expect that this decision will have no bearing on my grade whatsoever. Please note that ‘not reading cases’ includes not reading supplementary material and not participating in class.”

Student Taking B-Side Basketball Way Too Seriously
(Shad) RC student Taylor Worth, player-coach for Section Y’s B-side basketball team, is taking intramural basketball very seriously, teammates allege. “He’s always yelling at the refs and getting in fights with opposing players. All in all, he’s getting totally out of control” said Jose Gonzalez, Worth’s teammate. “It’s gotten so bad, he’s actually asked everyone on our team to sign a ‘no alcohol and drugs’ pledge. Or as he described it, ‘a commitment to your team.’ My only response was, like, ‘Dude, its only B-side basketball. Not something important – like Little League baseball or high school football.” Worth disagrees. “If we stop taking intramural sports seriously, we’ll be heading down a slippery slope,” Worth argued. “Before you know it, we’ll stop taking LCA seriously. And then we’ll stop taking the SA Presidential elections seriously. That’s not the kind of world I wanna live in. Neither should you.”

RC Student Seeks SA Office, Mate
(Aldrich Hall) RC student Jennifer Johnson recently bombarded the RC class with “Jennifer Johnson for SA Secretary” leaflets, in an attempt to be elected to the highly coveted office, or to find a mate. “Vote for Jennifer!” proclaimed the bold yet tastefully designed handouts, “She will work hard for you! She has integrity, drive, and dedication; plus, she can cook wonderful souffls.” An overly-smiley picture of Johnson adorns the top of the page, gazing at potential constituents/husbands assertively, yet seductively, but not in a slutty way. Listed under the section, “Why should I vote for Jennifer?” are the reasons “Experience as Section X Secretary”, “Commitment to the needs and voices of ALL students”, and “Hot”.