News in Brief:

Geo Metro Driver Denied HBS (Spangler Basement) Rear Window Sticker for Car
Bookstore worker Daniella Davirro refused to sell RC student Tim Decesar an HBS sticker for the rear window on his car last Friday after she found out he drove a Geo Metro. “When he told me that the sticker was for his Geo Metro, I gave him back his money and told him to ‘get the hell out of the store,'” said Davirro. “You might think that I was too harsh, but according to the Harvard Employee Handbook page 47, paragraph 3, I’m to tell Geo Metro drivers to ‘get the hell out of the store’ if they try to buy a sticker to promote the fact that their Geo Metro is driven by a student or alumnus of HBS.” Harvard spokesman Gavin Archer, the author of page 47 paragraph 3, told H-BS that the school is trying to protect its premium brand in the marketplace. “HBS is an elite academic institution. We want our brand only associated with elite consumer goods, like Rolex and Lexus, not Timex and Taurus.” Archer hopes that by 2006, the members of the Class of 2008 will have a car requirement in addition to a laptop requirement. “I figure an Audi TT at a minimum will suffice.”

Clueless Student Confused By Midterm Participation Feedback
(Central Square) RC Student Kevin Durr was “utterly confused” by the “vague” midterm participation feedback letter he received from his Marketing professor over the weekend. “What did Professor Daphney mean when she wrote ‘If I never hear you speak again it’ll be too soon,'” questioned Durr. “Does that mean I’m not talking enough in class?

Maybe I should speak more. I’ve tried to average 5 minutes per comment. But maybe that’s not enough.” Daphney’s point about Durr’s constant hand raising was equally perplexing. “I am baffled by her comment ‘Once you speak twice in a class, please stop raising your hand because I am not going to call on you again that day. If I ever see you pulling a stunt like you did during the Snapple case where you raised both hands and stood on your seat until I called on you for the fourth time, I am going to physically hurt you. I’m talking broken bones and blood.’ How am I supposed to take this? Does she or doesn’t she want me to have my hand raised for the whole class?” Durr plans on emailing Daphney’s secretary to set up a meeting to go over the feedback. “Hopefully when I meet with Professor Daphney in person, she’ll stop beating around the bush.”

Justin Timberlake Has Student Naked by the End of This Song
(Morgan) RC student Joe Pavone didn’t believe Justin Timberlake’s claim in his song “Rock Your Body” that he would “have you naked by the end of this song.” Yet once Pavone actually played the song, Timberlake easily converted yet another non-believer. “I was pretty much clothed during the first two minutes of the song,” said a completely bare Pavone. “But then Timberlake started beat-boxing, you know, kickin’ it old school, and before I knew it, my underwear and polo shirt were flying all over the room.” This is not the first time that Pavone has challenged an assertion made in a pop song. “I’ve also tested Bob Marley’s declaration ‘I smoke two joints in morning, I smoke two joints at night, I smoke two joints in the afternoon, and it makes me feel alright’ and the Ice-T contention, ‘Pimpin’ ain’t easy but somebody’s gotta do it.’ But once again, I lost.

Despite my negative hypotheses, I felt great after smoking six joints in one day and when I was pimpin’ I had a hard time controlling my ho’s. If you want to become a playa’ pimp like 50-cent, you have to work your butt off.”