Mexican Rave

Mexico’s Yucatan Peninsula boasts magnificent Mayan ruins, sandy beaches, the world’s second largest coral reef with great diving, and locals so friendly you would think they put happy-pills in the water. These many assets are not those that attract the swarming mass of American college kids who descend locus-like on Cancun for Spring Break. They have just two clear objectives – alcohol and sex – and as much of both as humanely possible.

Floating in perpetual drunken stupor from beach to bar and back, these sweaty, sun-burned students celebrate their escape from Nowheresville, USA with an orgy of excess that would make Bacchus blush. Your correspondent happened upon Cancun for one (long) night on the way to the airport, but felt compelled to observe this sensory overdose for Harbus in crusading journalistic spirit.

Nobody seemed to know what the drinking age is in Cancun, but then again, nobody cared. If Cancun is the underworld, then the `La Boom’ nightclub was where Satan himself would party. This is factory of funk is a marvelous pumping, steaming tribute to Mammon. On the dance floor, shaven-headed army types jostle with weight-room freaks engaging in ritualistic preening and flaunting to gaggles of gyrating girls. Every few minutes, one of the girls would peel off, like a weary wildebeest, to the eager clutches of these chromosome cheaters. The rest waited their turn, vacant.

After two hours of being impressed at the size of the place, I wandered, Alice-like, through a narrow entrance to find a much larger area – this was the real nightclub, the other one was just a teaser. Here I happened upon a bikini contest – 15 inflatable Americans and Latino’s vied to be the prize prize – the event was won by a spectacular Chicago resident named Brandy. Real estate prices in the Windy City are probably rising already, as Americans head to find Brandy’s buddies. Fittingly, the star guest of the evening was none other than Jerry Springer, who, as Ambassador in Chief of America’s Cultural Underbelly would have felt very much at home.