“Real” and “Hard”. . . this is what we were teased with at the beginning.
Our expectations were high and boy, did ABC not deliver. THIS SHOW WAS BRUTAL!!! We are now starting to believe that Grady Little intentionally blew Game 7, because he wanted to be a guest producer for this show. There is no way this show would’ve been this bad otherwise.
Well. . . just like with Negotiations class, sometimes you have to make lemonade when handed lemons. . . so on to our column. Therefore we’ll have to resort to our traditions that we’ve established in the past in order to save this column. Yep. . . you guessed it. . . time to rip on Omar and Kelly Jo. Omar–perhaps you should see if she is available for Newport Ball?
And by the way Omar. . . real original – you’ve gone from writing a weekly “Humor” column to getting people to do their writing for you by doing a caption contest that at least 5 other magazines do. Not to mention, you’ve been freeloading off our article. Look. . . just because you are jealous of our popularity, doesn’t give you “Editorial” rights to insert your one or two attempts at humor in our column every week. Lay your hands off our column before we take you to Community Standards.[Editor’s Note: Gentlemen, allow me to disillusion you. From the Community Standards, and I quote, “The mission of Harvard Business School is to develop outstanding business leaders who contribute to the well-being of society.” Notice nothing is said about polluting my section with mindless drivel. Step off, or I will call you incompetent morons in fron of everbody.]
Bachelor Bob and Estella in the lead, in more ways than one.
Now on to our weekly diatribe on Kelly Jo. It’s funny – early on we were hoping she’d be cut, now we’re just hoping she sticks around because otherwise our material is greatly reduced. Kelly Jo had the fortune of a one-on-one date this episode. She starts out the date with telling Bob to “tie her up” and then she shows the t.v. audience the moves that she once used on Eric Neis to get on “The Grind.” We liked that she gave Bob a little ass shake (sorry- perhaps “little” is the wrong word to use here).
Which reminds of us a little conversation one of us had with one of our “Biggest Fans” of our column this week. She expressed concern that we were misrepresenting Kelly Jo, because the camera tends to put on ten pounds. To which we reply, “She must have at least ten cameras on her then.” Ahh, we’ve got a million of those.
Random Ramblings. . . Our Key Takeaways from Episode 5
o Instead of diving into the usual skin shots within moments of the show starting, we were subject to crying at the five-minute mark. . . and it never stopped. Estella tried to break it up with the “Old Faithful” of breaking up awkward silences (“Let’s go eat.”), which unfortunately this did nothing to save the show. Estella- you’re a woman after our own heart.
o Speaking of Estella, we are definitely becoming her biggest fans. At this point Kevin shares that he really likes her and Nolan pontificates with “She’s all we got.” You would think we were coming down to the last pitch in Game 7 of the World Series.
o Sorry- we just can’t let this whole crying thing drop. The only woman who didn’t cry on this episode was Meredith. We think there should be a new rule instituted for crying on this show that unless you’ve hooked up with Bob already that episode, you can’t cry.
o Bob did provide us with a great dating line. On his one-on-one date with Estella, she was having some hesitations about hooking-up with him, but Bob sealed the deal with this gem: “I think you’re over thinking things.” Where was this advice on prom night?
o HBS Grade of the Week for the Episode: four. As we all know, this grade is reserved for only those who are frequently absent and don’t try. Well. . . that’s appropriate for ABC’s efforts here. Meredith summed it up best with, “If I could choke myself with this necklace I would.”
And now the Rose Ceremony Review
o Brooke got cut on the same show on which she revealed that she was a virgin. Shallow, Bob real shallow. Brooke–here’s an autographed Carl Kester transcript as your parting gift. Thanks for coming out.
o In the surprise move of the week, LeeAnn got cut. This may have a huge impact on the excitement of the show. Can anyone say Yankees/Marlins?
Joe Milllionare Bonus Edition
We have a bonus edition for you to make up for this poor effort from ABC. Thank you Fox. Joe Millionaire is back. And this time there are lovely Europeans who speak English, yet for some reason need subtitles in every conversation. This Joe is a cowboy. One of the first quotes from Joe was “Texas has mainly buckle bunnies (i.e. Kelly Jo), I am looking for someone more feminine.” Giddy up Joe.
Until next time. . .continue to send us fanmail (we know you’re out there. . . don’t be ashamed) at: firstname.lastname@example.org.