Going, Going, GONE!

Throughout the history of sports, there have been some memorable retirement speeches. Lou Gehrig. Magic Johnson. Magn£s Ver Magn£sson. This will not be one of those – if you want to read something from the heart, read my “Editor-in-Chief’s Farewell” towards the front of the paper. Hey – how often does one person get to write two, count ’em, two, farewells in the same paper? You’d think I was full of myself if you didn’t any better (which you probably don’t, but that’s OK).

This farewell is dedicated to the faithful readers of the Sports section, an audience I could never quite put my thumb on, probably because there aren’t any of you. Since that’s probably the case, I thought I’d do a quick recap of the year in sports by giving you a “behind the scenes” look at the typical sports section.

Rugby: Contrary to popular belief, every rugby article is based on real events. Yes, we really did meet Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. Yes, we really do go on tours to exotic locations such as the Bahamas, Montreal, and France. And yes, we actually do play rugby on occasion, and more often than not, we win. We don’t just sit around drinking and singing songs. Well, most of us anyway.

“Cold Call” Trivia If there isn’t anything relevant to current sporting events, or I’m just exhausted at 5AM when putting the sports section together, my favorite thing is educating HBS on the more obscure sports like World’s Strongest Man and STIHL Timbersports. Just one of my guilty pleasures. Deal with it.

Intramurals: There’s nothing quite like IM trash talk. One of my favorites from the year: “It comes as no surprise to me that OK was the only section unable to procreate and produce a new section this year. These guys are less able to get it on than Dirk Diggler after a 9-day coke binge.” (from “OK Men Unable to Perform: OD wins 6-0 in IM soccer). And who can forget the stunning performance of OB’s Wakana Tanaka?

Contests: The ill-fated “Harbus NCAA Tourney” contest and current “Harbus NFL Pick’em” contest should be proof that HBS is not really a competitive place after all. When only about 7 people sign up to compete for a keg of beer, something is just plain wrong with the world. And when advertisers are not impressed with this sort of turnout, the keg comes out of my own pocket.

It’s been a fun year. Thanks again to all the people I thanked in the other farewell article. See you on the IM Basketball, Volleyball, and Indoor Soccer courts for my retirement tours…