HBS to Improve Aldrich Classrooms with new First and Business Class Seating
To better reflect to HBS’s impressive range of wealth inequality, MBA program chair Felix Oberholzer-Gee announced a massive renovation of Aldrich Hall this summer to install new First and Business Class seating. In addition to boosting revenue for the school, the seating is designed to better replicate the frequent-flier experience that many former-consultants and PE Bros have grown accustomed to before HBS, with the twinge of inequality that will dominate all students’ lives afterwards.
Fast Facts:
Business Class Seating
- Guaranteed immunity from cold calls
- 2-minute grace period for class arrivals and dismissals
- In-class meal service
- 2% cash back at Spangler Dining Hall
- Free day passes to Spangler’s new Emerald-Super-Maxi-Premium-Diamond Lounge
First Class Seating
- Ability to pre-select other classmates for cold calls
- Lay-flat seating in Skydeck
- Unlimited comment airtime bundleTM
- Dedicated concierge for reserving bathrooms during classroom breaks
- In-desk entertainment system
- Bottle service at all TGIF events
- Guaranteed interviews at Google, Blackstone, Nike, Goldman, and McKinsey
- Waived admissions fee for Section X
- Guaranteed admissions interviews for all legacy children
Oberholzer-Gee said that the MBA program was also exploring the possibility of introducing Economy Class in select classrooms. Geared specifically towards those attending HBS from non-profit and failed-start-up backgrounds, the Economy Class would be located in the extreme right-hand side of the room just outside the professor’s peripheral vision, and would be standing room only.
HBX would then be rebranded as “Economy-Minus”
