Senior Scramble

Why am I writing this column in just 45 minutes?  Why have I deemed you, my loyal readers, only worthy of ¾ of an hour?

Is it my Competing through Social Networks project?

While important – no – it’s not that.

Is it the vacationing that accompanied a bevy of three day weekends and spring break?

Nope.  I’d prioritize you over that too.

At this point, I should probably refer to the “elephant in the room” – or as we say at HBS – the “time when you should include the obvious answer – Facebook, Google, or Mark Zuckerberg” – to your analysis.

I’m engaged in Senior Scramble.  And you are too, HBS.

Oh, sweet, delicious, and expensive senior scramble.  How I thought you left me forever when I graduated from college five years ago.  Like bikinis, tans, and Jersey Shore episodes, you are so back – and I am happy for it.

First, I guess it is possible that some of you are unaware what senior spring is.  Alas, let me explain.  Senior spring is a magical period in which all the graduating members of a class hurry to engage with long term crushes, as well as meet new and interesting people.  The Kwama Sutra’s official dictionary, Urban Dictionary, describes Senior Scramble a “The last-ditch attempt among college seniors to find new hook up partners or consummate a long-standing crush before graduation.  With the impending end of a college environment, the connotation of scramble is desperate solicitation and confession. The practice is common among both men and women.”  Since, I am a classy graduate student, I shall modify the definition to include graduate students (yay!), and assert that many people are looking for committed relationships in the scramble.

So what does this mean?  How do you get senior scrambled?

It’s simple really – now is your last opportunity to tell that special someone you have feelings for them.  Let’s face it.  We’re all at our peaks here.  Since it’s my gender, I’ll use men as my example.  At this present moment, we are as in shape as we will ever be.  We have free time.  We have signing bonuses.  We have no active debt payments until January 2012.  And most importantly, we have free time (yes, I am mentioning it twice).

In a few months, we will be fat, busy, and boring.  Yes, we’ll be compensated, but does anyone at HBS act like they aren’t making six figures in school?  For you investors, right now we are overheating, we’re a huge sell, we’re overvalued.  We need to cash out now and reap the benefits of our investments.  Think Microsoft in the mid 90s.

And thus, we’re scrambling – searching for our perfect mate who will learn to love us now and deal with our enlarged waist sizes later.

Now I should mention that even though I am talking about ECs, RCs should not use this opportunity as an opportunity to enhance their own situation.  Amidst the craziness of trying to find a mate in the second year class, the first years represent a huge market opportunity – dare I say a moment of arbitrage, in which they too are sick of their classmates and probably want to expand their social networks.  Thus, each class’s unique situations lead to some obvious synergies.

So, the question now becomes how do you profit from this unique opportunity?  Aren’t you so happy to have a dating columnist to walk you through these tough waters?

The first is to stay calm.  While I have probably set off a lot of alarms, please remember, overly aggressive and anxious people rarely win in the dating game.  Remember, even though it’s senior scramble, some dating rules still apply.  Most importantly, some relationships won’t work out, regardless of how hard you try.

That being said now is the time to try to date. You have nothing to lose.  Literally, nothing.  Everyone is gone in a few weeks and will probably forget anything and everything before that.  You also have the available time that you didn’t before.

This means you should give those opportunities who you might have shut down before – like, your favorite dating columnist.  Try to expand your network and meet new people.  We should all be engaging in lunch and coffee dates that take place in Spangler, the Grille, and even off campus.  The point is clear – be active.  I am positive it will pay off.

Right – so, this is somewhat awkward to say, but my 45 minutes are just about up.  It’s not that I don’t love you dear readers.  It’s just that – well – it’s senior scramble.  See you out there.