Administration Moves to Prevent Hazing

The HBS administration recently sent out a stern warning to student organizations across campus, cautioning them to not engage in any sort of “hazing” rituals for new RC members, with particular emphasis forbidding “hazing activity in an HBS classroom”.

The memo comes in the wake of last year’s tragic hazing activities of various clubs, one of the most famous being that of the Portfolio Management Club, in which new RC inductees were chained to a laptop in Aldrich 8, while existing club members crowded around them, pumping their fists into the air and screaming: “Trade! Trade! Trade!”
“I still have nightmares about that brutal day,” said one victim, “I wake up in the middle of the night screaming, ‘No! Not that asset allocation, please! For the love of God, don’t make me put 90% of a retiree’s assets into a small-cap fund!’ Just please make it stop…” The student then broke down into tears.

“This is precisely the kind of trauma we’re hoping to avoid in future years,” said an anonymous administrator. “Some of these competitive clubs last year made the rituals in frat houses across the country seem like child’s play – I even know a few former Navy SEALS that broke down during last year’s appalling Volunteer Tutoring Club hazing. We must put a stop to these despicable acts, and emphasize to clubs that they have no right to force their members to do anything other than pay $35 for the year, put the club name on their resume, and then never do anything else ever again.”